Friday 30th August 2007

Dear Diary,

As we moved through the divisions when playing in the lower leagues, I’d always promised myself that I’d stay as faithful and as loyal to the players as possible, in an effort to show my appreciation for how they’ve carried and represented the club.

Reshaping the squad season after season has been a difficult but necessary task that falls squarely on my shoulders, a way of keeping the squad fresh, blooding in the future superstars of tomorrow, and maintaining a core group of individuals who have the ability to help drive this club forward.

Michael Carrick is one such player. A quality playmaker who’s attracted interest over the last couple of seasons, Carrick’s presence is imperative for the success of the club.

As is Peter Crouch’s, aka Crouchy. An £850,000 signing from Nottingham Forrest – who was transferred to the club through a player exchange transfer – Crouchy has grown into a pillar for the club, his towering presence a synonym of the style of football we play.

And John Terry. A powerhouse of a defender since his £250,000 transfer from Chelsea, our club captain is part of a spine that runs down the center of the team.

We’re proud to have these players represent Rotherham. And always will be.

Which is why it’s difficult and sad to say goodbye to Liam Fontaine, a mentally resolute and physically impressive defender who helped us survive relegation in our first season in the Premier League, and drove us forward to a European place last season.

We always knew Fontaine could reach the top, we just hoped it would be with us.

But as soon as Barcelona came in with a £30million bid, it triggered a release clause that satisfies both Barcelona’s status as a Champions League club and the money offered.

At 20 years old, he still has the world at his feet. And at Barcelona, he has the ability to reach his potential in a way that even at Rotherham we could only have dreamed off.

Still. Doesn’t mean that we don’t think he’s a back-stabbing, money grabbing piece of shit. And I hope Barcelona fuck his career harder than a Ava Devine porn film.

Our first game without him was a 2-1 home loss to Arsenal courtesy of a 95th minute Nicolas Anelka goal in a match that statistically we should have won.

In the short term, we’ll be looking retraining Michael Carrick to play as a Ball Playing Defender on the right side of defense in the hope of adding a more dynamic element, as well as filling the whole left by Fontaine.

As for the long term, well we’ll probably still be looking at retraining Michael Carrick to play as a Ball Playing Defender on the right side of defense in the hope of adding a more dynamic element, as well as filling the whole left by Fontaine. Unless it all goes Pete Tong of course, in which case we’ll do whatever the we have to.

As for Liam Fontaine, all I have left to say is fuck you, fuck off, I hope Barcelona fucks your career, and that you crumble under the pressure of playing alongside Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and… Moritz Volz.

Fuck you Liam Fontaine. And all the best. But not really.