Rotherham Revolution, Season 6 | Part 5 | Why I’d pick Peter Crouch over Kaka

Sunday 4th March 2005

Dear Diary,

The end is nigh. There’s about a quarter of the season left. The relegation battle is heating up. Tensions are building. Squeaky bum time is on the horizon. 

Manchester United are ten points clear. Arsenal’s Nicolas Anelka leads the goal scoring charts with 29 goals.

But most importantly, Rotherham are in 15th place, and eight points clear of 18th.

In arguably the most important match in recent history, the lads strolled to a 2-0 win at Oakwell over relegation rivals Crystal Palace thanks to a brace from bean pole Peter Crouch. 

The first goal was particularly pleasing; a corner from Carrick was met perfectly by Crouch who, in my humble opinion, has the ability to cement his place as one of the first names on the team sheet and lead the line for Rotherham over the next couple of years. 

His height and jumping ability for defenders is clearly a problem. Whilst not the most agile of strikers, his technical ability, coupled with his unparalleled vertical advantage, means that he’s almost unbeatable in the air.

He’s become such as important player for the club, that I wouldn’t even swap him for fucking Kaka

Along with the confirmation that Leighton Baines will join the club at the end of the season, and the £2.6m acquisition of Richie Wellens at the end of the transfer window adding depth and bite in the midfield area, the Rotherham Revolution is truly underway, and it certainly isn’t pretty.

But sweet Jesus Christ of Nazareth is it doing a job. 

Our next game is at home to Sheffield Wednesday. There’ll be electricity in the air for sure; mathematically, Wednesday could still beat the drop, but time is running out, and we don’t intend to give them a sniff when they come to Oakwell.

Last time out we fucked’ed 6-1 at Hillsborough, a result which also coincided with of a period that saw us pick up form and points, helping us create some distance between us and the bottom of the table. 

There’s a chance that our season could end with a bit of a whimper, limping over the finding line to something like 15th or 16th. I’m anxious about our run in has us playing against Liverpool, Arsenal and Manchester United. It’s been giving me sleepless nights.

Either way, an unspectacular 17th position sounds incredible. And if the season were to end now, I’d absolutely take it.

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